Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Indian Parenting --- Suffocating !

I was so down today... was in a bad mood and at least i m blessed that I have couple good friends who can listen to me and give me a comfort when I am feeling low.. called up Gayatri and thanks gal..thanks for being there always... I was better after that..

Had some small fight with my parents.. Thtz anyways normal and it is not the topic... That fight made me write this blog which was long pending and which i always ponder...

We imbibe lots of unwanted things from western culture... We miss lots of important good things... "Freedom " in relationship is what I love most in their culture.. No mother can hold even a teenager and make him listen to her words.. They r given their own space and no one interferes in it .. may be it leads to a detached life and there is no family value in western countries..but i suppose a mix of this " SPACE" and "LOVE " is what is required in any relationship. I really wonder when my parents tell me or my bro that we dont listen to them... We have changed a lot .. True that we changed a lot .. r we not supposed to have our own brain ? I dont think it is the matter of not respecting our parents or their words..listening to them is different ..but we are grownups and matured enough to handle small things in our life at least .

I still see so many mothers interfering in their son's and daughter's life even after they are married or in a decent job .. if they dont hear to them , then they are labeled as someone who forgot the love ,family values , love and affection that was shown to them when they were kids..

I still see so many Mother in laws always trying to control their daughter in laws saying tht this is the way u shd do ..this is how we used to be in our days bla bla.. are the DILs not old enough to handle thinggs ? Sharing your experience is not the same as forcing your opinion rit ? mm..applies to mother as well ..

I still see many husbands / wifes who imposes their opinion on their partner - the way they dress ,the way they talk , the way they behave ,the way they spent ... OMG .. Marriage is supposed to be a bond between two individuals who have their own brains !!! but ...... mmm ...

I guess everything starts with our way of parenting .. we think always that it is a duty of a son / daughter to take care / resspect / listen to parents .. I dont quite understand the premise of it ..I love my parents because they r my parents and because they love me and because they made me what am .. Love is returned for love .. but it is not a duty.. just because I gave birth to my daughters, am i supposed to demand them ?? Coming to think of it , Did they ask us to bring them to this world ? It is " the parents" who brought the kid to the world and it is their duty to make sure thaat the kids get the best.... So i dont think there is ANY BIRTH RIGHT to the kids.. like in Rajni movies ( Thayai thernthedukkum thanthaiyae thernthedukkum urimai unnidathil illai) ..so when they had no choice , how do we blame them? So I dont think it is right to blackmail kids saying that I carried you for 10 months , struggled to give birth..bla bla .. they never asked for it ..

As you sow so shall you reap - So i suppose it is what you give to your kids is what you get back ..if your kids dont give back , then dont demand for it .. It was ur duty to bring up the kids well and so u did...

And getting into one's space..I think even the newborn has its own thoughts.. As long as your kid is small , you will have to control him or her because they may not have the maturity to differentiate / identify good or bad.. however, we should also listen to their opinions and give ouropinion only If you think the kids are going in a wrong way..else dont force anything on them.... Everybody has a right to live their life in their way .. just because we are their parents , i dont think we take charge of someone's life.. be it career , be it life - dont try to be a decision maker ..be an enabler...

I guess parents of this generation should get all good things about parenting frm old system and should also start treating kids as kids with their own space and freedom..

While writing this , I also think that I still have long way to go to be a better parent .. Anyways.. it is also a matter of self realization when you record your thoughts isnt it ??


  1. - SPACE is absolutely the basic requirement for any relationship to click....I guess that's why friends turn out to be the most desired and comfortable relationship :)
    - For this SPACE
    ...with parents/inlaws/elders ...its best to be geographically distant (that's why westerns move out of their home when they start earning ):)
    ...with spouse/others I guess its best to communicate discomfort and get the space :D
    - This is what I am working on....but I feel my parents are the only souls who can question my every move...at times irritating but I always feel I owe it to them...and regret talking back when I get irritated :D

  2. I think we'll end up doing what we want, inspite of getting advise from all quarters. But I think parents, bro advise us because I think they are the only ones who even think about us. Ofcourse, friends are there. But in all times, our parents, bro etc are going to be there telling us something and we in turn telling them something.

    Other than that, who else in the world cares whether we're there or not? Whether we are alive, whether we've eaten our meals, whether we returned safely from wherever we were supposed to go.

    I say this because I'm away from parents, in-laws since 7 years. And still only they know or will know if something good/bad happens to us.

  3. very true Shylu ... havin said that , it is always safe to stay away and long for love than being together always and fight..what say u ? hehhehe ..

  4. 100% agree with u sayee..... "space" is certainly a big factor, may it be parents, in-laws, spouse, siblings or even kids... thou personally I find my husband giving me enough privacy, my parents & in-laws fill that gap!!!! Some times i kw they are doing it for my good...but cant take it when it gets too personalized or too much into things which i want to decide on my own. They think i am a child / not so matured still (this feeling might sound very protective some times but highly irritating most of the times), every time i end up remaining my parents & in laws about my age & that i am a mom now & also into a descent job where in a take a lot of decision on my own!!!!

    Just praying that i give enough space to my son.... paakalam!!!!

  5. yes, sayee. Its always good to stay a little away. That gives us the independence and also makes us more responsible.

  6. but talking of western culture, you'll not find people taking care of their grandchildren as a full time duty. So do you want the best of both worlds! don't hit me...

  7. @ Anu .. Ithathan naanum Polambinen.. and I m not really sure whether we will be able to give that complete Space to our kids ..IT s all in the gene we see

  8. @ Shylu .... Yen indha Kolai veri ??? I was so diplomatic enough to write that we neeed to adopt good things from Western culture ;) naanga ellam romba careful madam ...

  9. good thinga, namakku suit ara thingsa? chumma onna thoondi vidren :)