Is a Male force always needed at home ?

Husband was not in town .. nandhu was not ready to sleep in my flat n was asking me if she can sleep in mother's place... I was surprised ..I assumed that she missed her father at home ..So I told her that Appa will come after couple of days ...so we better go and sleep on our own for some time.. then she asked me ,"amma , can we take Mama with us ? " ... I am not really sure .she is just 7 ... How did she get an idea that a guy is needed in the house for us to be safe ? I am not disputing the fact that guys are physically strong.but then , at this young age itself, girls start their dependencies on men .. :( I am not being a feminist here ..but then ,..is it the society which gives such an image to kids ? or is it what they hear n seee at home.. Men are part of life and every stage u need them like the way they need us .. but then , when is this "MUST FActor " getting added up ?  hmmm..I think it will be ages for us to change ..

Luck hates competency

Life nevers stops to amaze me... Every day teaches something new .. but am I learning out of it ? Big Q . Let me skip that.

This world is totally imbalanced ! I totally fail to understand the reason behind some happenings.. I always trust that everything happens with a cause and sometimes it is just beyond human's interpretation.but why do things happen most of the time without me being able to interpret it?

why do always luck being impartial? Y hardwork never succeeeds ? y do incapable people survive and live happily wherein capable people struggle their ass to get to a decent level? hardwork never fails, it is true..but it succeeds only at last minute after so much try !

i m fed up with all the crap around !

My Cooking Extravaganza

Life Sometime amazes me with its twists and turns.. now let us get the Mosquito Mat ( Flashback ...!!)

Me in College -

Amma , what is this ??? I dont want curd rice today , pls give me paruppu urundai kuzhambu ...so many scoldings and fights , I get it .. mm... Whaaww..yummy... Kitchen is a place to eat , wash plates ... !!

Me After marriage -

We are in Srilanka after marriage and told my hubby that I am going to make paruppu usili ( one of my fav !) now , I had a big tug of war between me and the kadai..alas ..I won .. Paruppu usili came out.. it was lil brown in color ( ok ok ..it was really DARK BROWN !) ..but it is my first creation u see..so proud of it - adjusting it with Ghee ,ghee ,ghee... Hubby comes sniffing.. some bad smell ;) I manage with a smile n serve him my creation.. he says ..mmm.this doesnt taste tooooo good ... some smell coming rit .. I tell him confidently ..this is called usili and it is supposed to taste like that ( he doesnt know how a real one tastes and i capitalized on it ) .. heheh ..and my torture continued for some time and he ran away for onsite projects ( I swear , not becoz of my cooking - ( side story - he ate real paruppu usili at my mother's place and you know what happened !! )

Me after Nandhu

I was with my parents - Hubby travelled on and off and I used that excuse to stay with parents - so all I had to do is go to office ,come back home , play with nandhu for some time ..even weekends were only for fun .. I used to roam around , read books ,blabla... Amma used to scold for doing nothing at home... Honestly , how many were fortunate enough to stay with parents after marriage and have amma's food ? my mother is a great cook ..anything she cooks tastes divine..so it was all the more reason for me to enjoy... :)

Kitchen : Bliss


Me after kikee
now we are in our own flat .. started off with cook , maid etc.. It was nice to have someone giving tea in hand ;) however , the taste was not so worth enjoying - but it was ok to go on as long as I dont need to enter.. :p but then a day came ..I m left with no option but to cook ( my cook ran away :( ) ... I entered my kitchen with reluctance ..but thx to all blogs , now I m getting better...mobile in one hand , karandi in another hand.. huge lists of blogs to refer .. Wow!!! cooking is fun.. having a foodie at home , it is nice to try on him with different dishes and see his reaction . :p I have to get up at 6 , fight in kitchen and also with nandhu to get herr ready while kikee is sleeping ..however,it is fun till date..rather it has become a habit to cook :p some days ,best dishes , some days so so .some days salty ,some days yucky .. but cooking is like life ..it has its own ups n downs rit ;) ... heheheh ....

Kitchen : Place of experiment !!!!

Letter to my Better half !!

Dear Husband ....

when was the last time we talked sweet nothings ??

When was the last time we held each other's hand and sat in silence ?

When was the last time we remembered and talked through our early days of love ?

When was the last time we felt completely in awe with each other ?

When was the last time we sat together and enjoyed the sea in silence ?

When was the last time we had our tea together talked about ONLY US ?

When was the last time we appreciated each other for the new dress / hair style etc ?

when was the last time I pestered you to tell me " How much you love me " and " how much I meant to you " ??

When was the last time we looked into each other's eyes ?

When was the last time we discussed about changes in our likes and dislikes ?

Our days are filled with work tensions , updates about the daughters ..

our conversations revolve around schools,kids mischief, newborn's day , office , work calls ..

Our outings are to restaurants , toy shops , hospitals and schools ..

Our excitements come from "Test Marks" , Smiles from kiddos ,

When are we going to have " WE TIME " ??

There were times we "STAYED together " even if we were phyisically miles away.. Now We STAY TOGETHER " but the souls are wandering really miles away...

When are we going to "renew " our relationship as "Husband and Wife " ?

When are we going to realize that there is also something beyond " Parenthood" ?

When are we going to get excited about having each other's company alone ?

when are we going to "FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AGAIN ? " ....


.................

Yours lovingly ,

Mother Of your kids ( Wife ??? )

Indian Parenting --- Suffocating !

I was so down today... was in a bad mood and at least i m blessed that I have couple good friends who can listen to me and give me a comfort when I am feeling low.. called up Gayatri and thanks gal..thanks for being there always... I was better after that..

Had some small fight with my parents.. Thtz anyways normal and it is not the topic... That fight made me write this blog which was long pending and which i always ponder...

We imbibe lots of unwanted things from western culture... We miss lots of important good things... "Freedom " in relationship is what I love most in their culture.. No mother can hold even a teenager and make him listen to her words.. They r given their own space and no one interferes in it .. may be it leads to a detached life and there is no family value in western countries..but i suppose a mix of this " SPACE" and "LOVE " is what is required in any relationship. I really wonder when my parents tell me or my bro that we dont listen to them... We have changed a lot .. True that we changed a lot .. r we not supposed to have our own brain ? I dont think it is the matter of not respecting our parents or their words..listening to them is different ..but we are grownups and matured enough to handle small things in our life at least .

I still see so many mothers interfering in their son's and daughter's life even after they are married or in a decent job .. if they dont hear to them , then they are labeled as someone who forgot the love ,family values , love and affection that was shown to them when they were kids..

I still see so many Mother in laws always trying to control their daughter in laws saying tht this is the way u shd do ..this is how we used to be in our days bla bla.. are the DILs not old enough to handle thinggs ? Sharing your experience is not the same as forcing your opinion rit ? mm..applies to mother as well ..

I still see many husbands / wifes who imposes their opinion on their partner - the way they dress ,the way they talk , the way they behave ,the way they spent ... OMG .. Marriage is supposed to be a bond between two individuals who have their own brains !!! but ...... mmm ...

I guess everything starts with our way of parenting .. we think always that it is a duty of a son / daughter to take care / resspect / listen to parents .. I dont quite understand the premise of it ..I love my parents because they r my parents and because they love me and because they made me what am .. Love is returned for love .. but it is not a duty.. just because I gave birth to my daughters, am i supposed to demand them ?? Coming to think of it , Did they ask us to bring them to this world ? It is " the parents" who brought the kid to the world and it is their duty to make sure thaat the kids get the best.... So i dont think there is ANY BIRTH RIGHT to the kids.. like in Rajni movies ( Thayai thernthedukkum thanthaiyae thernthedukkum urimai unnidathil illai) ..so when they had no choice , how do we blame them? So I dont think it is right to blackmail kids saying that I carried you for 10 months , struggled to give birth..bla bla .. they never asked for it ..

As you sow so shall you reap - So i suppose it is what you give to your kids is what you get back ..if your kids dont give back , then dont demand for it .. It was ur duty to bring up the kids well and so u did...

And getting into one's space..I think even the newborn has its own thoughts.. As long as your kid is small , you will have to control him or her because they may not have the maturity to differentiate / identify good or bad.. however, we should also listen to their opinions and give ouropinion only If you think the kids are going in a wrong way..else dont force anything on them.... Everybody has a right to live their life in their way .. just because we are their parents , i dont think we take charge of someone's life.. be it career , be it life - dont try to be a decision maker ..be an enabler...

I guess parents of this generation should get all good things about parenting frm old system and should also start treating kids as kids with their own space and freedom..

While writing this , I also think that I still have long way to go to be a better parent .. Anyways.. it is also a matter of self realization when you record your thoughts isnt it ??

There is a hairline difference between being a Workaholic and a Maniac !

I have been pondering over this topic for long… I am a workaholic … and I am really proud to say so .. But people don’t seem to accept it . I get advice from all quarters - Don’t love ur work too much , give importance to ur family .. they will only cry when you die .. bla blla.. My Bro used to tell me “ Yen nee Jyothika maathri kudukara kaasukku mela nadikkara ( I mean working ) nnu “ … I used to always wonder ..what is so wrong in loving ur job ? After all , you have spent majority of ur golden years studying and preparing yourself to face the world.. And job is one of the ways to ensure that your investment over studies or time in ur younger days don’t go waste....

Let me take reason by reason what great people say …

1) Don’t love ur job too much ......

So whatz wrong ?? Job is what is giving me an identity ..Everyone’s life is having a purpose and If I think that getting a good career is one great purpose in life , whatz wrong ? after all , my career today hasn’t come just like that – for anyone for that matter – it is hard earned…you love your father ./ mother because they r ur own .. you are told that it is ur duty to take care of them bcoz ur life is given by them .. is the same principle not applicable for career ? It gives u enough money , gives u identity , gives u recognition , self satisfaction.. so is it not my duty to love my job back ? no one measures your love for mother –no one is going to tell u don’t love ur mother too much…. y there is a measure of ur love for job ???

2) Maintain a well balanced life – First priority goes to family …
This is one of the areas I do tend to agree – Balancing between family and Work – always a Hercules task… if u ask me whether I like curd rice or Peanuts , I can’t say one… heheh …so the same way … I don’t think I get to set priorities between these two – family and work …I am sure my daughter is hurt whenever she sees me with laptop and tells me that amma y don’t u play with me? It hurts…but when am on a conf call which is an important business call , I do want my daughter to wait… and I will compensate this time some other way…I might sound cruel…but my question is – Assume my daughter grows up – she is holding an important position and when she is on a important meeting worth million dollar business and when I call her saying that I am not well ( not so major) , will she not be practical to tell me to go hospital with her manager ,rush to me as soon as she is done.. or will she rush to hospital ? I guess – the second part may happen in movies – real life – that too in the next generation I am not sure … And I don’t think it is wrong if it s a first option– it is the matter of being practical over being senti… I don’t think love should make someone foolish and possessive ..! However , I don’t deny that it is VERY Important to ensure that you do ur duty as a parent and don’t do anything at the cost of ur family… But I am not sure does it mean I give up everything for family ? mm…I am not questioning people’s decision on being a homemaker after a kid… I am only questioning myself – what is wrong in having a demanding career even if you have a big family?

3) Females – Only secondary earning members in the family – so let the male be a bread winner and females take care of family !!

Bullshit !!!! This is what I think when I hear this – My mummy used to say – un husband kondu vara kaasu poratha ? y don’t u sit at home??? I have asked her back – y can’t my husband sit at home and I earn? You are sharing ur life and both of u are responsible for running a smooth family – So if my hubby is willing to do so , y can’t he sit at home while I work ? Who decided that Men should work and women shouldn’t work ? In olden days ,there were lots of physical work and people were conservative enough not to educate females much..now there is no restriction .. but y r we still sticking to the concept of man being the breadwinner? Can’t a bread be bought if it is a female’s money ?? Even if husbands are willing to do so , people around us never let us live happily – they start all bullshit and ensure that his ego in punctured to the core…With the current economy , I guess Financial freedom is must for females as well….we do see cases where widows without job .. or Divorced – Just for an argument sake …education eppovum soru podum ..purushan eppovum soru poduvannu enna nitchayam ? heheh …


Ok .. now … I personally feel being workaholic is not WRONG…. Be it love or work , you need to draw ur clear boundaries .. that doesn’t mean u shouldn’t be a workaholic..if work is fun and gives me happiness to work till 12 clk at night , y can’t I ? After all , we follow our heart….and when I look back when I am old , I don’t think I m gonna miss golden years by slogging for someone .. When you work u don’t work for your boss , u work for urself – u work for ur own passion .. u work for ur own growth … Being workaholic , do pay back … if I become too possessive about my kid ,then I am going to spoil her life by poking my nose into each and everything ..I should know where to stop… Same is applicable for job as well … priorities are decided based on the situations not to be decided as an one time decision… Riding on two horses is to be practiced and who knows u may master in both .... It is the matter of purpose in life – It is the matter of achieving ur goal in life – and we do chase multiple goals .. not a single goal …

So keep loving ur work :) :)

Education system and my inability !

I was very very upset y'day ......
1) I am guilty for not able to spend enough time with Nandhu ....
2) I really wonder what the education system we have currently !!!!

let me write it clearly - Nandhu is in LKG and her third term EXAMS are going on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First of all , I dont understand why should they burden the kid with exams ( trust me- i get time table and portion as well!!) and to make it worse, they correct the paper and give marks as well !!!!!! not even grade ... And kids are being told that you take Zero , then u wont move to another class... Give me a break ..they are in LKG ! and my daughter comes home with homework - A to Z that too cursive writing - 2 pages !! %%$#%#$ off the system ! When I go , then i get complaints as well if she has not done w well in exams ! Anyways, they will have to study a lot when they grow - but y r we not letting them to enjoy ? This is the sensible person in me talking .

But the poor mother in me is worried and I also start getting the pressure.... :( given my worklife , I am not getting time to sit with her and teach her.. Even with the lil time i get at home, i am sitting iwth my laptop - I think I should also correct myself.... So i was feeling very very guilty y'day..
but having said that , I pay too much money for her education - if theye cant teach properly at school and if i have to do everything at home,then I better keep her at home..
My daughter travels in Van for 45 mins to reach school !!! is it really worth ? She studied in a school near my home last yr- it was just opposite - it was just a normal school concentrating on Academics - i thought I am a great Genius and wanted my daughter to excel in other activities as well - so thought thiss is some international school ( bullshit !) ,dance ,swimming bla bla .. her language will improve ...so much of analysis and i moved her here with some heafty Donation !what a waste ! she goes for swimming ,she dances - but her basics seem to be missing - she was bettr in that old school .....
Yday , I had to sit with her and at times , I hit her as well .. and shouted to her in anger.. how to teach her eveything on the day of exam !! I knew I was wrong .. But I behaved so badly yday and at night I checked myself and told Sorry to Nandhu .. If I dont understand ,then whom else will understand my kid !!

I am still upset for my behaviour ......

I am now seriously thinking about changing her school !