Thursday, October 21, 2010

Letter to my Better half !!

Dear Husband ....

when was the last time we talked sweet nothings ??

When was the last time we held each other's hand and sat in silence ?

When was the last time we remembered and talked through our early days of love ?

When was the last time we felt completely in awe with each other ?

When was the last time we sat together and enjoyed the sea in silence ?

When was the last time we had our tea together talked about ONLY US ?

When was the last time we appreciated each other for the new dress / hair style etc ?

when was the last time I pestered you to tell me " How much you love me " and " how much I meant to you " ??

When was the last time we looked into each other's eyes ?

When was the last time we discussed about changes in our likes and dislikes ?

Our days are filled with work tensions , updates about the daughters ..

our conversations revolve around schools,kids mischief, newborn's day , office , work calls ..

Our outings are to restaurants , toy shops , hospitals and schools ..

Our excitements come from "Test Marks" , Smiles from kiddos ,

When are we going to have " WE TIME " ??

There were times we "STAYED together " even if we were phyisically miles away.. Now We STAY TOGETHER " but the souls are wandering really miles away...

When are we going to "renew " our relationship as "Husband and Wife " ?

When are we going to realize that there is also something beyond " Parenthood" ?

When are we going to get excited about having each other's company alone ?

when are we going to "FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AGAIN ? " ....


Yours lovingly ,

Mother Of your kids ( Wife ??? )

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Indian Parenting --- Suffocating !

I was so down today... was in a bad mood and at least i m blessed that I have couple good friends who can listen to me and give me a comfort when I am feeling low.. called up Gayatri and thanks gal..thanks for being there always... I was better after that..

Had some small fight with my parents.. Thtz anyways normal and it is not the topic... That fight made me write this blog which was long pending and which i always ponder...

We imbibe lots of unwanted things from western culture... We miss lots of important good things... "Freedom " in relationship is what I love most in their culture.. No mother can hold even a teenager and make him listen to her words.. They r given their own space and no one interferes in it .. may be it leads to a detached life and there is no family value in western countries..but i suppose a mix of this " SPACE" and "LOVE " is what is required in any relationship. I really wonder when my parents tell me or my bro that we dont listen to them... We have changed a lot .. True that we changed a lot .. r we not supposed to have our own brain ? I dont think it is the matter of not respecting our parents or their words..listening to them is different ..but we are grownups and matured enough to handle small things in our life at least .

I still see so many mothers interfering in their son's and daughter's life even after they are married or in a decent job .. if they dont hear to them , then they are labeled as someone who forgot the love ,family values , love and affection that was shown to them when they were kids..

I still see so many Mother in laws always trying to control their daughter in laws saying tht this is the way u shd do ..this is how we used to be in our days bla bla.. are the DILs not old enough to handle thinggs ? Sharing your experience is not the same as forcing your opinion rit ? mm..applies to mother as well ..

I still see many husbands / wifes who imposes their opinion on their partner - the way they dress ,the way they talk , the way they behave ,the way they spent ... OMG .. Marriage is supposed to be a bond between two individuals who have their own brains !!! but ...... mmm ...

I guess everything starts with our way of parenting .. we think always that it is a duty of a son / daughter to take care / resspect / listen to parents .. I dont quite understand the premise of it ..I love my parents because they r my parents and because they love me and because they made me what am .. Love is returned for love .. but it is not a duty.. just because I gave birth to my daughters, am i supposed to demand them ?? Coming to think of it , Did they ask us to bring them to this world ? It is " the parents" who brought the kid to the world and it is their duty to make sure thaat the kids get the best.... So i dont think there is ANY BIRTH RIGHT to the kids.. like in Rajni movies ( Thayai thernthedukkum thanthaiyae thernthedukkum urimai unnidathil illai) when they had no choice , how do we blame them? So I dont think it is right to blackmail kids saying that I carried you for 10 months , struggled to give birth..bla bla .. they never asked for it ..

As you sow so shall you reap - So i suppose it is what you give to your kids is what you get back ..if your kids dont give back , then dont demand for it .. It was ur duty to bring up the kids well and so u did...

And getting into one's space..I think even the newborn has its own thoughts.. As long as your kid is small , you will have to control him or her because they may not have the maturity to differentiate / identify good or bad.. however, we should also listen to their opinions and give ouropinion only If you think the kids are going in a wrong way..else dont force anything on them.... Everybody has a right to live their life in their way .. just because we are their parents , i dont think we take charge of someone's life.. be it career , be it life - dont try to be a decision maker an enabler...

I guess parents of this generation should get all good things about parenting frm old system and should also start treating kids as kids with their own space and freedom..

While writing this , I also think that I still have long way to go to be a better parent .. Anyways.. it is also a matter of self realization when you record your thoughts isnt it ??

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

There is a hairline difference between being a Workaholic and a Maniac !

I have been pondering over this topic for long… I am a workaholic … and I am really proud to say so .. But people don’t seem to accept it . I get advice from all quarters - Don’t love ur work too much , give importance to ur family .. they will only cry when you die .. bla blla.. My Bro used to tell me “ Yen nee Jyothika maathri kudukara kaasukku mela nadikkara ( I mean working ) nnu “ … I used to always wonder ..what is so wrong in loving ur job ? After all , you have spent majority of ur golden years studying and preparing yourself to face the world.. And job is one of the ways to ensure that your investment over studies or time in ur younger days don’t go waste....

Let me take reason by reason what great people say …

1) Don’t love ur job too much ......

So whatz wrong ?? Job is what is giving me an identity ..Everyone’s life is having a purpose and If I think that getting a good career is one great purpose in life , whatz wrong ? after all , my career today hasn’t come just like that – for anyone for that matter – it is hard earned…you love your father ./ mother because they r ur own .. you are told that it is ur duty to take care of them bcoz ur life is given by them .. is the same principle not applicable for career ? It gives u enough money , gives u identity , gives u recognition , self satisfaction.. so is it not my duty to love my job back ? no one measures your love for mother –no one is going to tell u don’t love ur mother too much…. y there is a measure of ur love for job ???

2) Maintain a well balanced life – First priority goes to family …
This is one of the areas I do tend to agree – Balancing between family and Work – always a Hercules task… if u ask me whether I like curd rice or Peanuts , I can’t say one… heheh …so the same way … I don’t think I get to set priorities between these two – family and work …I am sure my daughter is hurt whenever she sees me with laptop and tells me that amma y don’t u play with me? It hurts…but when am on a conf call which is an important business call , I do want my daughter to wait… and I will compensate this time some other way…I might sound cruel…but my question is – Assume my daughter grows up – she is holding an important position and when she is on a important meeting worth million dollar business and when I call her saying that I am not well ( not so major) , will she not be practical to tell me to go hospital with her manager ,rush to me as soon as she is done.. or will she rush to hospital ? I guess – the second part may happen in movies – real life – that too in the next generation I am not sure … And I don’t think it is wrong if it s a first option– it is the matter of being practical over being senti… I don’t think love should make someone foolish and possessive ..! However , I don’t deny that it is VERY Important to ensure that you do ur duty as a parent and don’t do anything at the cost of ur family… But I am not sure does it mean I give up everything for family ? mm…I am not questioning people’s decision on being a homemaker after a kid… I am only questioning myself – what is wrong in having a demanding career even if you have a big family?

3) Females – Only secondary earning members in the family – so let the male be a bread winner and females take care of family !!

Bullshit !!!! This is what I think when I hear this – My mummy used to say – un husband kondu vara kaasu poratha ? y don’t u sit at home??? I have asked her back – y can’t my husband sit at home and I earn? You are sharing ur life and both of u are responsible for running a smooth family – So if my hubby is willing to do so , y can’t he sit at home while I work ? Who decided that Men should work and women shouldn’t work ? In olden days ,there were lots of physical work and people were conservative enough not to educate females there is no restriction .. but y r we still sticking to the concept of man being the breadwinner? Can’t a bread be bought if it is a female’s money ?? Even if husbands are willing to do so , people around us never let us live happily – they start all bullshit and ensure that his ego in punctured to the core…With the current economy , I guess Financial freedom is must for females as well….we do see cases where widows without job .. or Divorced – Just for an argument sake …education eppovum soru podum ..purushan eppovum soru poduvannu enna nitchayam ? heheh …

Ok .. now … I personally feel being workaholic is not WRONG…. Be it love or work , you need to draw ur clear boundaries .. that doesn’t mean u shouldn’t be a workaholic..if work is fun and gives me happiness to work till 12 clk at night , y can’t I ? After all , we follow our heart….and when I look back when I am old , I don’t think I m gonna miss golden years by slogging for someone .. When you work u don’t work for your boss , u work for urself – u work for ur own passion .. u work for ur own growth … Being workaholic , do pay back … if I become too possessive about my kid ,then I am going to spoil her life by poking my nose into each and everything ..I should know where to stop… Same is applicable for job as well … priorities are decided based on the situations not to be decided as an one time decision… Riding on two horses is to be practiced and who knows u may master in both .... It is the matter of purpose in life – It is the matter of achieving ur goal in life – and we do chase multiple goals .. not a single goal …

So keep loving ur work :) :)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Education system and my inability !

I was very very upset y'day ......
1) I am guilty for not able to spend enough time with Nandhu ....
2) I really wonder what the education system we have currently !!!!

let me write it clearly - Nandhu is in LKG and her third term EXAMS are going on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First of all , I dont understand why should they burden the kid with exams ( trust me- i get time table and portion as well!!) and to make it worse, they correct the paper and give marks as well !!!!!! not even grade ... And kids are being told that you take Zero , then u wont move to another class... Give me a break ..they are in LKG ! and my daughter comes home with homework - A to Z that too cursive writing - 2 pages !! %%$#%#$ off the system ! When I go , then i get complaints as well if she has not done w well in exams ! Anyways, they will have to study a lot when they grow - but y r we not letting them to enjoy ? This is the sensible person in me talking .

But the poor mother in me is worried and I also start getting the pressure.... :( given my worklife , I am not getting time to sit with her and teach her.. Even with the lil time i get at home, i am sitting iwth my laptop - I think I should also correct myself.... So i was feeling very very guilty y'day..
but having said that , I pay too much money for her education - if theye cant teach properly at school and if i have to do everything at home,then I better keep her at home..
My daughter travels in Van for 45 mins to reach school !!! is it really worth ? She studied in a school near my home last yr- it was just opposite - it was just a normal school concentrating on Academics - i thought I am a great Genius and wanted my daughter to excel in other activities as well - so thought thiss is some international school ( bullshit !) ,dance ,swimming bla bla .. her language will improve much of analysis and i moved her here with some heafty Donation !what a waste ! she goes for swimming ,she dances - but her basics seem to be missing - she was bettr in that old school .....
Yday , I had to sit with her and at times , I hit her as well .. and shouted to her in anger.. how to teach her eveything on the day of exam !! I knew I was wrong .. But I behaved so badly yday and at night I checked myself and told Sorry to Nandhu .. If I dont understand ,then whom else will understand my kid !!

I am still upset for my behaviour ......

I am now seriously thinking about changing her school !

Monday, March 22, 2010

Nandhu - My MIL !

I have got a good MIL who doesnt question me unnecessarily - May be she knows thaat it doesnt really change me if she says somethin - U see .basically she is clever ...

From my childhood , I have always been a rebel - if someone asks me to take a path on left , I will make sure that I tke a path on right... It was in my blood .. questioned everything around and it became a habit ! I was a spoiled brat and a tough nut ..... and Neither my parents could control nor my hubby..all were basically good and paavam .and couldnt really tolerate what happened at last ? they got used to me .heheh ..pity them - they dont have a choice..

Actually - on a side note , I always wondered - My parents had no choice - of course u dont get a choice to select ur baby..Bt my hubby? how did he really got into this ? ? hhehe .. only he can answer .. it s a million dolloar question for my parents as well..u see .. vidhi namma munnadi vandhu disco aadum bothu , thapikava mudium ? hehehe :) ada chee.. pesa vandha topic a vittutu vere ennamo pesittu erukken?

Now .. i was doing my own hitler ruling till the day my lil angel arrived ... God was watching me and told to himself that - Magalae vaichu erukken unakku second halfla ..

now she is 4 and she has taken over a role of my mil

1) me working in laptop

Nandhu comes and shouts at me - she calls me by Name " amma ... evavlo thadava sollarathu unakku ? arivae kidaiyatha??? when u come home, y dont u play with me? eppo paaru laptop , phone ???? "

2) i am on phone and she is with my parents.

appa is assking Nandhu - Nandhu .. naangalum poyita nee enna pannuva ? amma work pannindae erupalae?
her answer : enna pannarathu ?? appovum amma ithethan pannuva .. so naan oru orphange poren ..neriya pasanga erukangalae??? !!!!! WOW ! enna thought process???/

3)I m watching TV - she comes
Amma , enna pannara ? oficela erunthu vandhuttu innuum nee tiffin box alambala … thaatha alambina ..kai ellam ratham varuthu ..unakku poruppae illaiya?????????! How dare ? even my parents don’t ask that !!!!!!!!

4) I m getting ready to go out – dressing up

She comes – amma – ennadhu ithu ? ivalo Periya pottu ??? Mami maathiri erukku ..enna color dress ithu ? y this saree? Jeans pottukko .. habba ..konjam modern than en mamiyar !!!!

5) I am again watching TV and my mother in kitchen

She comes and asks me – amma – y don’t u cook ? unaku samaikka theriyatha ? panni kooden .eppo paaru ammamma than samaikara ….  now this is the area I cant do anything – I tell her that – no way ..she doesn’t give up … at last – I ended up taking her to Pizza hut!!!!!!!!!

6) me and Nandhu are outside ,roaming around and I am wearing one of her ear rings..
Nandhu is asking me thru out the trip – Mummy …yen ennoda thodu pottu erukka???unakku vere illaiya??? Don’t worry - I will share everything ..she says this at least 10 times and even in front of my relatives – indha padaiyappa style … ithuthan maapilliai …aana dress ennodatthu illa ??

7) to my mother - seeing her keeping her chain inside locker
Ammama.. yen nee ivalo nagai pottu erukka? En amma onnumae pottukalaiyae – Amma says – ellamae enakku apuram unakkuthan de… .. Nandhu tells her – “ippovae kudu ammaama ,evalo naal wait pannum??? “

8) in school – her teacher asks her what is her fav food?

She says fried rice and tell hher miss that amma doesn’t cook at all in home – we always eat friend rice in saravana athuthan pudikkum !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Incidents are moreeeeeeeeeeee !

But at times , she is my mother as well – When I am not well , ,she is the one who takes care of me … when I am upset , she also cries with me – when I am around , she always clings on to me … she tells me that she loves me the most … She is too possessive about me.. doesn’t even let my hubby touch me.. for anything and everything she comes to me .. .when I work , she doesn’t disturb, she waits for me to complete it to talk to me ….. she is my boon , she is my love and she is my everything.. I am proud to say that I am her MOTHER !! 

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

2 States - my version - Not by Chetan Bhagat

When I wrote about Gold, I was thinking about my marriage..I saw my marriage snaps today..and I thought of my marriage..
From my sweet nothings ,you know my love story . We took a year to convince my parents for marriage – My husband’s parents were on our side… We were working in Srilanka and I used to call my parents every now and then for permission – when I said my mother first , Amma , I like him and want to marry him , she actually laughed .. Chumma vilayatha de… ( Vilayattu pullai) .. hehehe..I had to convince her for 15 mins to make her understand that I am SERIOUS ! then she asked me ,what is his full name and asked his caste ..heheh . All I knew was he is an Hindu ..not a whichever Caste he is , how does it matter ? then , my calls started ..all the money I earned, a big fat sum was allocated for call and also I wrote letters…at last marriage got arranged – March 31st !
I went to my husband’s house directly from Srilanka as my marriage was to happen in Guruvayur. I was roaming around so normally there. My marriage saree was already selected and I was to go only for blouse stitching… I know I am missing all the fun .. it is ok ..Any dress I wear doesn’t matter - I am going to get married to someone whom I selected.. we only had 2 days.
My MIL told me that we need to buy jewels ..but y ? mmm.. Marriage , so many will come ..etc etc.. Boom .. my diamond dream gone … anyways..selected some set quickly and came back home..
Next day, my parents are coming seeing them after a year.. and how do u feel when you receive ur parents sitting in ur bride groom’s home for ur marriage ? but .. I always wanted adventures in life and I was so usual .. they saw me and all started crying.. Enna de ? ipadi blab la bla..all tamil .. My Poor MIL was standing and didn’t know what is going on .. she was moving her head from one side to another side and watching us like seeing a tennis match .. .now SIL came for rescue ( she speaks tamil ) and started consoling my relatives..mmm..all done.. all are sitting and seeing each other.. my parents are sitting in a room there and talking with my periamma and others..I went there and sat… Apuram .. it was all like the typical serials………. They took jewels and said – indha unakku ! I was like – ingauma ?/no choice … my periamma said unaku ithuve jaasthi.. ..heheehe..true … Pitchaikarikku enna choice ? Paathiram mattum than namaluthu ..heheh
Now I left my husband’s home as my marriage was to happen in Guruvayur…. I was roaming around to arrange things, talking to poojari etc etc I mentioned, I had to really convince hard to them that I am the Bride… They were like – enna ponnu ithu ? indha alaichal alaiyuthu for marriage ?hehehe .. en kashtam enakku thane therium???
We talked talked talked – slept .. early morning Mughurtham … now , The HORROR STORY !
Bulb 1….we arranged for a beauty parlor lady to come to Guruvayur to help .. Generally , I look bad with make up .. This lady started doing my make up and I was so nervous about my marriage .and didn’t even bother to stop her – All I use even tday is only moisturizer,compact ,eye liner and lip stick ( rarely ) … ithukkae my hubby says ..y sooo much make upppppppppp ? She finished make up and I saw in my mirror – weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllll ! I see a ghost in a mirror .. Evalo azhichallum powder pogala… then ,my SIL came and started putting the jewels..had less time there…reached temple ..and you all knew the bulb 2 I got from my hubby ( Ref: Sweet Nothings!) .. Marriage done !!!! around me I could hear full of Malayalam and Tamil and for a second , I couldn’t differentiate both the languages .. now , I had to wear two thalis – my hubby’s side as well as mine…
Then we went for reception in a hall… my mother wanted their custom as well … My hubby had to put mettti – my mother was speaking to him so fast in Tamil and he could understand only 1-2 words max… with all the confusions, he came down to touch my feet …eheeh …. I had to tell him to put it there , not to touch my feet is ok ok ..arasiyala ithelllam saggajamappa..

Then came the relatives visit of my hubby – they all came and talked to me … sfsfsdfhhlhlh ##$#@984 .. it was like that to me on those days..i could understand nothing and all I had to do was to smile at them..and ask my hubby what they see… someone is asking question , and I m standing without answering !!!! I always try to answer all the questions that have come to me – never mind whether I know the answer or not .. now , u see wings are clipped ! grr…I decided to learn Malayalam…
Then Bulb 3 – Food ! We all went for food – my parents and my relatives were there next to me .. they saw the rice ( note : Most of them never went out of TN ) and my manni said – ayyo ..ivalo Periya rice a? epadi muzhungarathu ??? !!! 2 parukkai sapitalalae vayiru rombidumnnu .. they drank Payasam as their main dish and it is done …..
A week after that was reception in my native … now it is my turn to talk and my hubby’s turn to stay quiet..hehehe… we all went in a bus to Trichy .. and my one another periamma did aarathi .. She was asking to put money and acting as if she is trying to pull my bangle.. ( my hubby asked me later – y are they pulling ur bangle .? what is the problem ?? ) I told him that this is a game..
Then went home and had loads of fun with all our customs.. MY FIL worked in TN and he understands and speaks Tamil was my MIL who was literally speechless that day.. One of my FIL’s relative came in their traditional amma was calling me to come to kitchen ..and started crying – yen de en maanatha vaangara? I was thinking – inimae enna erukku poga ? but since I cant ask that question , I asked her what happened ma ? She said – why did she come in yellw saree ? I was like ?? who ?? when ?? what ? she said I asked that Manja pudava paati “ .. I told her will I know ?? ippo indha theruvulla ellarukkum theriumae ? what to do ??? then one big circle around her within a second and another serial started !!!!
In reception , some archagar came and did pooja ,thalavatttam and all for my hubby – people were trying to speak to him and now it was his turn to smile back …. My relatives and his relatives were speaking to each other in sign language or they were trying to speak in their own language to others..
Habbaaaaaaaaa…reception done !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am thinking of writing my story as a novel – thanks to my friend Nisha for suggesting this idea..
Naan ezhutha poren ezhutha poren ezhutha poren ( Koundamani style ) .

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I hate GOLD

This topic was never in mind – But a small discussion in my office made me really think thru it …

I am a person who is not at all fond of gold.. I would say I hate gold .. But I have zero percent interest in gold.. my mother wanted to buy some gold bangle for their Wedding Aniversary and she asked me to buy… I was asking my colleagues to give me different options to buy and they were teasing me saying that all ladies are always behind gold ( I was speaking to a group of married men ) …I told them that I am NOT AT all interested in gold and they looked at me as if I have come down to earth from some other planet ..and told me .. Woman – no interest in gold ?? We can ‘t believe it !I told there are many people who don’t have interest in gold – but coming to think of it , Majority vote goes for gold .. I have many friends who ask their husband to buy gold every month!!!!

I went to couple of my husband’s relatives marriages.. ( in Kerala) .. I was trying to see where the girl is – She was totally covered with gold and I was wondering all along – Is this a marriage or a weight lifting competition ? and thinking of the middle class families and dowries – How much do they struggle to save gold for their daughter’s marriage? And with the increasing gold prices, it is really tough for a common man to think of gold. I think the need for gold starts from our marriage custom – First of all , I wonder why still there is a dowry system ?Will post a separate blog on this .. let me not deviate from the topic…… so much of planning goes behind the savarans ! and in some states people give gold in Kilos.. what happens after marriage ? you get Necklaces ,huge pendants, rubies blab la ( I don’t even know the varieties ) can you wear to office ?mmmm….. not safe – and so it goes to locker and sleep … you take out for marriages – but how many marriages you attend in a year ? you can’t wear everything and walk as a competition to the bride…we still hear news that that the wife loved the fire more than husband because the husband loved gold more than her ! There are deaths for 3-4 savarans ..... Value for LIFE !
Affinity for gold – Is this in our blood ? Some may say “ NO “ ..but I think still the majority will say yes to it … My mother is a walking example of it …… Her face literally brightens up when you take her into a jewellery…. She will change chain everytime ( atleast 3-4 times a yr) saying that “ pazhasa pochu …” “ model nalla illa” “kuthuthu “ blab la … I always ask her “ you cant wear more than two chains , 6-8 bangles “ at home .. what is the use of buying everything and keepin in locker ? She will tell me that it is the way to invest and will help you later
I agree that it is a investment – But I don’t know if this is true when you buy jewels – If you say gold coin, or Gold Mutual funds , ETFs etc..may be … When you change jewels , u lose a lot I suppose… wastage etc etc…. gold was 100 Rs per per savaran once , now it s 10,000 Rs ..but we could live with 400 Rs during those days and even 10,000 rs is not enough these days… So , gold rate increase Vs our money value /need increase – is it not proportional ???
Poor husbands may have good investment ideas – but given the demands and thinking of the “fight factor” , they end up spending in gold…I went to a jewellery shop with my mother … India is never a Poor Man’s place.. So many people with such sparkling eyes , looking at gold – “ Ithu edunga athu edunga “ Madam new design paarunga ..bla bla .. Guys are sitting there and yawning..Hold on – I do see some walking Gold shop Guys – Bracelets, Big Chains , Rings in fingers..mmm… so much of varieties,design … .. we easily spent 2 hrs there to pick up a bangle and came home……
My mother said – You don’t like gold – y not buy for Nandhu ?? Nandhu is very fond of gold – She asked my mother one day “ Ammamma , y do u wear this much gold while my amma never wears many chains ?” .. My amma replied to her saying that all my gold will be to you after me … few weeks went .. she told my mother one day during her talks “ ammammma , u look young now – so I call you Ammamma, when you become old , I will call you paati and once you become very old , you will go to God and before you go , please give all your gold to me !!!!! “ come on– She is proving that she is my mother’s granddaughter !!!!!! now , I went and saw gold ear rings – I was always thinking in my mind – if I get the same design in Pondibazzar - it will cost only 50 Rs – this is 5000 Rs … I couldn’t buy anything ! At last , I settled for one small gold coin !!!!
Now ,the question comes to my mind is – if I buy 1 gram of gold ,it is 1700 Rs – I can get easily 20-30 sets of ear rings for that money - Matchin my dress , trendy , makes u feel young … ,variety etc etc… The same model can be bought in covering as well ..if I go to Jill Mill or Alankar , I still can get the same designs for 1000 + rs - the same thing in gold will come around 20,000 RS!!! Why do people waste their money in gold ???? the money can be invested wisely in many ways … why always gold???????????

The above topic is only on Gold – I never said that I don’t like Platinum or Diamond..heheheh
Vidyasama yosikaren yosikarennu ithu enga poyee nikka poghutho ?

Friday, February 5, 2010

Sweet Nothings !!!

Dream :

I wanted an arranged marriage …. And visualized many “Ponnu paakarathu “ scene and gave pose to many photos to float in market .. Marriage sitting in my father’s lap , I was a big fan of Madisar and our customs….
It is my first day in my second job .. … I entered the class with some stupid Jean and a shirt , bubble gum,spex blab la .. Many guys in the class they look around and see me … I could see in their eyes – Sariyana adanga pidari .. Then I see someone coming opposite to me .. Saw him – first thing I noticed was his eyes. It was big for a guy and it was a eye with literally NO EXPRESSION .. I saw such kind of eyes for the first time !!! .. Then to cut the story short , we were always fighting in the job , we used to hate each other and we fought openly and soon became friends and soon became so called …. No need to say “ I have met my man “

I am a great movie I was always thinking that he will propose to me in a rainy day - with some roses and he says “ can you marry me ? I can’t think of a life without you “
He came and said “ I want to speak to you “ .. Great .. mm… going fine… … we had to settle in our office itself to speak ..thatz bad.. but still ok .. .He opens the statement saying “ See .. I know what is going on between us .. But I don’t think it is going to be possible .. We belong to two different culture and it is not going to work out ! “ Real egg on my face now .. What a proposal …
I am going out with my lover for the first time – He is waiting for me in some place – I am going just 10 mins late and he is angry with me and tells me that he is waiting for long and when I do some konjals he forgets all that ….
We were to go for our first movie – he told me he will pick me up at 10 clk in some place… I reach there by 10.15 dreaming about his presence … .. Alas..there is no sign of him ! I am waiting till 10.45 … He comes in his bike and says “ Sorry , got late , Hope it is not a problem ! “ .. And I can’t believe myself telling him “ it is ok !!! “ The movie was one Malayalam Movie – I don’t understand even ABCD of Malayalam that time – I ended up watching the whole movie just seeing how people are moving from one place to another, their dress ,hair style etc !!!!!

When I go outside to restaurant with my lover , I want to sit near him ( not to touch him anyways) , talk seeing his eyes , he serves my food and enjoys talking to me than the food .
We went to a Chettinad Restaurant .. I was to sit near him – He told me to sit in the opposite chair and said “ This is convenient to speak – I cant turn my head all the time to speak if you sit next to me ! “ thatz …what more in store ??? I don’t even see him lifting his head out of menu – he tells me this food is so nice here – why don’t u try this that blab la ??? mmm… ok .. food comes .. mm..what to say? He is a foodie – and he lives to eat , not eat to live …… I m so low already – but still carrying a smile in my face … bill came .. now I hear him saying “ Month end already…Not much of money ..y don’t u pick up the bill ??? “ Boommmmmmmmmmmmm …… onnum illa… blast in my heart ….

Marriage day – My hubby looks at me always , winks at me and tells me that I m more beautiful than ever …. And everyone around me is teasing me saying that “ wow .. ur husband unnaiyae paakran ,kalakku“
Our marriage was after so much of struggle and it became sort of a arranged marriage – marriage in guruvayur ,reception in Trichy …..I am wearing his traditional saree – He was already there in temple waiting for me .I came fully dressed with my parents- he saw me from distance and started walking towards me …I was shocked and was so happy inside.. gave a very proud look to people around me.. he came closer and called me “ come “ ..I was on cloud nine “ He said “ r u stupid ? who asked you to put this much make up ?? it doesn’t suit u at all .. you look like one bootham “ … I was almost fainting.. My mother was calling me ( adding fuel to the fire !!) and telling me – Evalothan erunthallum u shouldn’t be talking like this during marriage – ask him to control himself – I know it is a love marriage – athukkunnu ipadiyannu ..hehheeh …. What to say man ? I had to keep a smile and act …. Marriage done ! L

Give lots of unexpected gifts to my husband and kill him with my love – he opens my card and with watery eyes (sandhosam pa ) he tells me “ you r a boon to my life “ ….
I gave him the card on a special day “ the day when we met” and tried to write some poetry bla bla… He read it and said “ GOOD ! “ and he told me .. It is good that you gave me this – But y r wasting money on cards ?????
There are many SWEET incidents like this !!
Mine is really a sweet “ NOTHING “ !!!!!
He is one of the most unromantic and practical person in the world … He has never said I love you ..he never told me that I m his life .. he never said he missed me … but does it matter ? I don’t think so … .But I knew it myself – He has sacrificed so much for me –
He lost his great wedding and loads of money and relatives ( if it were a normal wedding )
A scar in his parents heart for selecting someone who don’t even understand their culture
A tasty and favorite food ( non-vegetarian food ) which he could never eat from his wife’s cooking .. now he is a big fan of my Curd Rice @!!!
A daughter who speaks to him in Tamil and he has no complaints till now …
Adopted to a home where the culture is completely NEW to him and doesn’t appeal at all to him ..but he still feels at home..
Adjusting with a workaholic wife like me who is always on calls / laptop even if he is at home….
Staying calm and peaceful with someone like me who is extremely SHORT TEMPERED !
Etc etc etc …
There are many things I can keep on adding …..
But to summarize … He has never told anything – but I knew that I am his everything and I am always special in his life – I knew that I am gifted to have a husband who can still love me for what I am… Who can still bear all my tortures and gives me enough freedom and space.. Who could bear my continuous talks for the last 9 years !!!!
I don’t expect flowers, dinners or lLU messages ….. I don’t expect a romantic look and a hug … All I want is to remain with him till I die and Torture him to the max possible … ( habba..tried for a romantic ending ! successful !)

Questioning the .... !!

since you have seen my sample blog , I will now directly jump to list of questions which i have.... each questions ideally can be a blog ..but i dont have time to write everything day I will ..
From childhood , I have read tooooo many books , spoken to toooo many eccentrics , seen many different people ... i always had tooo many questions even as a child and i was seen as "adhigaprasangi and adagapidari ".. but never mind ..I never stopped asking questions.. When I was old enough to interpret and find answers, I have tried to find answers for some questions... I will write my answers later ..let me write my questions...
(Please note this is not self dabba - just setting the context for you to understand the reason behind my .... )
Now gals ..dont try to associate my questions with my character - all these questions have no direct relationships to my character.. These are all questions when i came across different situations in life ..
1) Why should a girl leave her family after marriage and get herself adopted to her husband's family?? A son or a daughter , duty remains the same..
2) Why do parents always go against love marriage ? when you are matured enough ,wont you be able to understand ur best match ?
3) Why do people still get dowry to get married? and why do girls still agree to pay to get themselves bought by someone ?
4) Why do girls are always asked by parents to be a "Girl" ? What is the definition ?/
5) why do some guys are still as male chauvinist ?? We do have female chauvinists ?
6) Why do people go in haste when they see someone caught in a accident ? where is the basic humanity?
7) Why do still there are many beggars in the street ? why Govt is not doing anything ?
8 ) Why Indian politics is still worse ? why people dont think before vote ???
9) Why do a wife still live with a husband who are not worth enough to be a human being even ? why should they stay just because they are married ? why divorce is not widely accepted yet ?
10)Why do some caste people still think they are superior ??
11) why should someone write the caste in school application ? does caste determine your knowledge ?
12) Why always poltics win in corporate world ? why sincerity never pays off ? Though it is said to be paid off in Cinemas ..
13) Why people always put all wastes in road and dirty their own country ? and why do they behave properly when they go abroad ?
14) Why society always see transgenders with a wrong eye ? why can't they be accepted as normal ?
15) Why people still live their entire life for others and society ? why can't it be for themselves ??
16) Why do parents force their opinion on kids ? why can't they respect and give freedom to kids ?
17 ) who determines the scale of right and wrong things in society ? what is right for me may or may not be right for others ? For eg , I think Shakeela can get married ... She must be having her own reasons and views for her acting ! why can't a guy accept her for what she is than what she has done !!
18) Why can't a public figure like Kamaal or Kushboo say their own opinion ? how can they take responsibility for all others ?everyone is supposed to be having brain..
19) Regarding Kushboo's statement - Virginity - how do u define it ? in older days, if you just look at other guy itself , then you have become bad in heart ... today, we see living togetheer becoming common , tomorrow anything else can become common ... so ,what will happen to our culture and moral values ?
20) Why only some people in society help the poor? While we look for luxury in everything ,why cant we help someone with that money ?
21 )why theere is no rule in the indian law to help poor husbands?

Mangalsutra - is it a MUST ?

I am not going to get into a much controversial topic like what Mr.Kamalhaasan said - Is marriage must in this society ??? Let me get into a less ( I hope so ) controversial topic....
Is wearing Mangalsutra a MUST ? I can't explain what i want to say with such a one liner... I will give you a background to it ...
My background
I m from a very very orthodox brahmin family parents were very strict and my childhood was full of customs , Sloghams , bla bla... My parents were teaching ( rather trying to ?? ) all culture stuff, sadanghu sambradayam etc... my paati wont even touch me if i havent taken bathe before 9 am ...starting days with slogam , all tues and Fri to temple , eating by sitting in floor, cleaning it up bla bla ... And trust me ...though I was not a great follower of all that , I was good enough to an extent..I too believed in many things... followed as best as I can..
now dont ask me about my marriage... now with such a great elaboration on my background , you should know by now ... mine was a love marriage and of course not a brahmin ... Mallu ...
Why Thali ?
Let me get one thing clear here - I m not questioning the custom of putting thali in marriage -( not yet !) .. for that matter - I have two different thalis ( one from his side and one from my side) ... I am only questioning a thought process whcih is there for too long - you should wear thali always , it can't be removed and it has direct impact on your husband...
Let us see point by point
Mmmm.. tradition .. ???? There were many traditions we had and slowly they are vanishing into thin air one by one.... Traditions were created by human to make sure that everyone leads a life with moral values and also to impart good culture in all.. But that was in olden days - now we have got enough exposure , we read a lot , we see lot of outside world and moral values and culture is never a universal phenomenon.. it varies from person to person ... as long as we are good human beings ( which is the basic theme of all traditions) , I don't see a major problem there.. which is appearing good in my eyes may be seen as wrong in your eyes...
2) Scientific reasons
So ..there was a blog of Gayathri Anand saying the scientific reason for wearing all the says wearing Mangalsutra increases blood circulation , and touch of metal with body is good bla bla..why can't I wear a plain gold chain ?? why should it be thali ?? both are metals...
3) Safety??
People do say that it is a safety measure for females ...I would rather say bullshit ..if someone wants to safeguard , it is their wish .. do u think female with Mangalsutra dont do any mistakes or dont they get into any danger ? it is all in mind .. not in what you wear... How does a guy behave with you purely depends on how you portray yourself and carry yourself...
4) Respect to relationship ?
is it a respect to the relationship ??? mmm..I would say certainly not .. we see many incidents where people do lot of illegal things when husband is alive .. So I think respect should come based on the trust you have in the relationship than what you wear.. for that matter, what do a guy put??? some wear rings though ...
5) Does it impact your hubby?
I used to remove thali at home and wear next day morning - purely for comfort - my mother used to shout and make it as a biggest mistake of my life ..cries ..bla bla ... I m not really able to understand how do one's life related to someone's chain ??? not sounding logical to me.. If i want my hubby to live long , I should pray for him .. agreed ( of course, people who dont trust in God wont even agree to this ) .. but how can one chain save him? Marriages are made in heaven ..doesnt God know that he is ur hubby ? does he need a ID proof ?
conclusion ( Purely my thought )
Respect the relationship - be truthful and sincere to one another - the bond between two individuals in a marriage is through love
Respect is obviously a two way traffic - not one way - we share life and it is equally important for both of us to pray for other.. Days are gone where Men were seen superior - now i think it is equal ( At least trying to be ! )
Wearing or not wearing thali - is one's own decision - I dont want to question one's belief - if you trust , please follow ... Dont force on others.. if you dont follow , so be it .... again dont force on others..
If you follow a custom , follow whole things only when you believe..dont do it because everyone else is doing ..
I wanted to only register my thoughts ... I dont have any intention to hurt anyone who follows this fully ... Just misusing my rights of expressing my opinion to touch upon this sensitive topic...
Dont start fighting with me ... I wanted to started a topic of discussion and started it off with my thoughts..

En Iniya " " Makkalae- Pls fill up ur State urself


For a long time , I have been thinking of creating my own blog - when I get bored of talking ( Let me stand corrected - when i dont get anyone to talk ! ) , I wanted to write my GREAT thoughts and make others happy ( Rather Torture ! ) ...

I m not a poet or a blogger - I am not here to entertain ..I am not here to share my happpiness or sorrow..I m here only to estabilish my freedom of thought...
Ithu oru saadharana pennin valaithalam ...